Vegeta: Traumatzed By a Clown
by Blind Angelic Assassin
Summary: Vegeta + Clown = humiliation, lots of butt slapping from a perverted clown and an explanation to Vegeta's annoyance of Mr. Popo! (Did I spell that right?) R+R!
1. Clowns are Scary too

DISCLAIMER (whoo hoo!): I don't own any of the DBZ characters, so don't sue me. All persons in this story are fictional, any similarities to persons living or dead is completely coincidental.  
  
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Vegeta growled protestantly as Bulma dragged him by the arm into their hover car. It was a beautiful sunny day where the temperature was well above normal and the Briefs family had convinced Vegeta to finally go with them to the circus.  
  
"Bura, I will have your head for this", Vegeta threatened. Bura giggled and helped Bulma drag and push him into the car. Bulma got into the drivers seat, "alright, kids, buckle up!" She paused and glanced over to Vegeta, "you too, Veggie!" Vegeta growled deeply and grudgingly put on his seat belt.  
  
To the children's relief, their father wasn't wearing spandex. After much convincing from Trunks, Vegeta realized that yes, blue tight spandex shorts would intimidate the dancing elephants. So he had to settle for a pair of off-white flannel shorts.  
  
Bura put on her sunglasses and leaned over Vegeta and put his on him. "I hate family trips", he complained quietly. "What was that, Vegeta Briefs?" Bulma scolded with an edge to her usually warm voice. Vegeta shut up and growled as he heard giggling from the back seat.  
  
Vegeta grumbled most of the way to the Sunflower Circus while Bulma entertained the kids with jokes and old gags. When they finally reached the brightly colored tent, Bura clapped her hands happily and urged Trunks to do the same. Vegeta got out of the badly parked car, "get out boy! You too, girl."  
  
Bura laughed and skipped out into the sunshine. Trunks, in his early teen years, understood the sacred rules of "coolness" and came out pretending to be annoyed and distracted (although in secret, our purple haired prince was eager to see Jock Strap the clown drop his pinstriped pants). Bura clung onto Vegeta, "daddy! Me want a piggy back ride!"  
  
Vegeta grimaced but let her crawl onto his back, and he held her there awkwardly. "Ha! Look at me, Twunks!" She teased. Bulma chuckled warmly and pulled Vegeta gently by the arm closer to the entrance. A depressed looking woman with a huge nose made even bigger with the fake red one and a cheap clown costume greeted the family.  
  
"Uh, two children and two adults," Bulma told her as she handed the clown the money. Big nose gave her 4 tickets and motioned them in.  
  
Bura was jumping up and down on Vegeta's back. His patience was starting to run out, "BURA!" He growled, his voice soon turned gentle when he remembered that it was his daughter that he was talking to, "daddy doesn't like people having fun on his back." Bura laughed and bounced harder, making Vegeta growl louder and louder, thus, frightening the other children in the audience.  
  
Bulma slapped Vegeta's arm playfully, "stop growling, Veggie!" Vegeta sighed and stopped his annoying voice vibrations. Bulma pointed out seats near the stage and the family sat down.  
  
Vegeta let go of the squirming Bura and let her sit beside her mother. Bura gawked at the colorful lights and the massive audience in which they were in. Trunks tried not to be impressed but couldn't help to drool happily.  
  
The lights began to dim and the ring master came out, "LADIES AND GENTLEMEN." (Vegeta squirmed at the 'gentlemen' part) "BOYS AND GIRLS OF ALLLLLLL AGES!" The tuxedo clad fat man paused to see the audience's reaction so far, "WE WELCOME YOU TO SUNFLOWER CIRCUS!" Everyone one cheered enthusiastically and hooted. After the uproar had calmed down, Vegeta stood up and screamed, "DO YOU CALL YOUR SELF A MAN? HOW DARE YOU ADDRESS I, VEGETA PRINCE OF SAIYANS AS A GENTLEMAN, AS IF I WERE A COMMONER?!" He pounded his chest and was flushed in the face.  
  
Bulma covered her face embarrassingly and tugged his flannel shorts annoyingly. "Vegeta...sit down.." She hissed quietly.  
  
All heads turned towards Vegeta and stares were exchanged. Vegeta relaxed his muscles and sat down heavily on the bench. He shook the stares by glaring back. He crossed his arms defiantly, "KEEP GOING, LARD-BALL!" He ordered the ring master. The attention was then returned back to the fat man.  
  
"Ahem.well, with no further ado or short men protesting, I introduce to you, Jock-strap the clown!" The ringmaster motioned to a nervous looking fat man to enter the stage. Jock Strap wobbled in with the strong appaulding from the audience.  
  
Vegeta scoffed scornfully, "Bulma, this is a waste of money! I don't see why we paid to see someone dance suggestively in front of us!" Bulma ignored him and continued clapping happily with her children.  
  
"Well, I'm Jock Strap, but you kids can call me Jocky!" Came the squeaky voice. Jocky walked over to a table and tripped over it. Loud laughter came from all directions in the audience.  
  
"Whoops! Hey, who would like to help me put this table back up?" Jocky asked enthusiastically. Several hands rose up, but all were ignored. Instead, the spotlight fell on our spandex loving hero, Vegeta.  
  
Vegeta's eyes flickered angrily as he heard snickering coming from behind and beside him. "How about you, sir? Jocky asked loudly. Vegeta spat on the ground and stood up. He walked out from his seat and entered the stage proudly.  
  
Bura and Trunks gaped at their father. "Oh, dad!!" Trunks groaned. Bura giggled innocently and Bulma covered her face embarrassingly.  
  
"And what is your name, sir?" Jocky inquired as he held a microphone under Vegeta's chin. Vegeta glared at him, "Vegeta." Jocky chuckled, "well, Veggie, how would you like to show the boys and girls how to set a table up?" "Shut up, ugly and let's get this over with!" Vegeta hissed. Jocky's eyes flickered angrily, but turned back to their usual watery brown ones.  
  
"Alrighty, Mr. Veggie! Let's get started!" Jocky announced, failing his arms over his head, "well, first off, would you like to bend down and pick one leg up?" Vegeta bent down slowly and held one leg of the cheap table. The pervert of a clown came over and slapped his butt, causing our spandex loving hero to lose balance and fall on his face. Enthusiastic laughter came roaring from the audience.  
  
Vegeta got up quickly and he blushed furiously. He grabbed the clown's multicolored shirt and breathed hotly into his face.  
  
"Touch me again, fool, and you'll regret ever hearing the name 'Vegeta'!" He threatened coldly.  
  
A sudden hush fell over the entire audience as Jocky blinked, bewildered. Vegeta turned his head and spat on the ground, "I'll let you go this time only because you are inferior. But next time." he let his voice trail off warningly.  
  
Vegeta stomped back to his family dragged his entire family out as heads turned and stared at the Briefs. Trunks covered his face, but Bura seemed to enjoy the attention. Oblivious to the situation, she waved to the staring faces, "that's my daddy! He wears tighty-wighties!"  
  
Vegeta turned to his baby girl and growled angrily but continued dragging a humiliated Bulma and the kids along past the entrance and out to the parking lot.  
  
"Aw, dad!" Trunks complained, "that was soooo embarrassing!"  
  
"Shush, Trunks." Bulma scolded gently, understanding how the boy felt.  
  
"Hahaha! I think daddy looked funny with his big bum and the clown!" Bura shrieked playfully.  
  
Vegeta's face had turned a dark crimson as he turned on their car and ordered them all in. The ride home was quiet except for the cracking of the steering wheel (our dignified Prince was gripping the wheel a bit too hard.).  
  
That night, everyone had the usual chuckle and Bulma told Goku's family about the traumatizing situation Vegeta had gotten into. This humiliated the prince even more.  
  
Vegeta climbed onto bed with Bulma that evening and could not fall asleep. Images of butt-slapping clowns kept flashing in his mind, barring his way (no pun intended) from his dreams.  
  
When he did fall into sleep, it was uneasy and his dreams were strange.  
  
Vegeta was dancing with elephants and he was wearing big flapping red shorts. He boogied, and shoogied. But he tried to keep himself from doing so. It was as if someone was controlling his body.  
  
"AH HA HA HA HA !!" A sinister laugh suddenly came out of nowhere.  
  
The dancing elephants disappeared. Leaving the flapping shorts Prince alone.in the dark.  
  
Vegeta tried to stop himself from shaking and dancing, but he couldn't. "Who's there?" He demanded, "don't be a coward! Come and face me!"  
  
A circle of stupidly clad clowns began to corner him. Vegeta tried dodging them, but it was as if his feet had a mine of their own. Vegeta screamed and began crying, "mommy! Mommy!"  
  
Suddenly, the leader of the militia of clowns came into light and walked closer and closer to Vegeta. His face had a sinister smile; this same smile belonged to.. Jocky the butt slapper. "NO NO NO!" Vegeta cried. But the ring of clowns cornered him and he felt the fat hands of each clown hit his buttocks.  
  
Vegeta sat straight up, he wasn't in a dark room with the butt slapping clowns, no, our Spandex loving protagonist was in his and Bulma's bed.  
  
Vegeta gasped for air heavily, he felt sweat on his neck and forehead.  
  
"Veggie-chan?" Bulma murmured as she opened her eyes and looked at the once panic-stricken Vegeta.  
  
Vegeta glanced over his shoulder and looked at Bulma and then at the clock. It was 2:00 am. "Sorry about that, woman. It's just that.that stupid clown keeps bothering me." Bulma giggled and pulled Vegeta back into the covers, "are you sure you're not in love with him?" Vegeta's eyes widened, "Bulma! How dare you assume that!"  
  
Bulma chuckled briefly and laid back down into the luxurious bed.  
  
Vegeta wiped the sweat from his forehead and sighed. He lay back down heavily and tried to get faces of the clowns out of his mind. Later, he did fall asleep again, this time, he dreamed about his favorite animals and him dancing the Polka: unicorns.  
  
The next morning, after the noisy breakfast and yelling at Trunks to get up, the family went out shopping. The Briefs finished the grocery shopping faster than usual so Bulma was cruising around lazily.  
  
"Where do you kids wanna go?" Bulma offered.  
  
Trunks nudged his sister, "let's go to the toy shop and buy clown masks to scare dad!" He whispered. Bura giggled hysterically as images of Vegeta and his huge bottom being slapped by a clown popped up in her little innocent mind.  
  
"Mommy! Me and Twunks wanna go to Joys of Toys Center!" Bura squealed happily. Vegeta grimaced as his eardrum was abused by his daughter's high soprano voice.  
  
He complained by growling as Bulma rolled into a parking space in front of the giant toy center.  
  
"Vegeta, you don't have to go in with us if you don't want to", Bulma told him as she shut off the engine and got out of the car. Vegeta didn't respond, instead, he began meditating. Bura and Trunks leaped out and stretched their legs.  
  
"Remember, kids, mommy will be waiting for you by the bench near the exit, okay?" Bulma explained carefully to the two children as the three walked into the store filled with other frantic mothers chasing after their children. Trunks grinned widely and Bura's eyes widened as she tried to absorb the heaven of toys she was in.  
  
Bura's eye caught sight of a small porcelain doll. She began walking to it, enchanted.  
  
"Come on, Bura! Let's go find those masks!" Trunks called as he dragged her by her neck (ha! Jk, I meant 'sleeve').  
  
The two miniature humans roamed the entire area until they reached the "Costume" aisle.  
  
"Hey! Bura! I found them!" Trunks cried out triumphantly when he pointed out two shelves full of brightly colored masks.  
  
Bura laughed and grabbed a pink and white one.  
  
"Me want this one, Twunks!" She cried gleefully as she put it on and ran around failing her arms wildly and crashing into other children. Trunks shook his head and took a blue and purple mask with a big red nose. He grinned mischievously and grabbed his sister's arm, "come on, Bura! Let's go! And bring your mask!"  
  
Bulma finally gave in and bought the clown masks for the children. Trunks and Bura kept their newfound treasures hidden in Bulma's purse as they went traveled home.  
  
Bulma hopped out of the car and opened the door of their mansion. Vegeta came out and sighed with relief, "woman! I'm hungry! Get me food!" Bulma helped the kids out and didn't look up at him, "well, I forgot to buy the groceries today.so I guess I'll go and buy them now." Vegeta ignored her and stormed into the house and placed his much-traumatized bum on the leather couch in front of the TV. He turned it on and flipped through the channels lazily.  
  
Bulma raised an eyebrow and picked up her keys again, "Vegeta, Trunks and Bura! I'm going shopping grocery shopping for your fat lazy donkey of a father!" Bura giggled and Trunks grinned.  
  
"Hey, mom, can Bura and me get our masks out to play, now?" Trunks asked, tugging Bulma's sleeve.  
  
Bulma nodded and took out the plastic masks and handed them to Trunks. She then turned and closed the door. Trunks and Bura heard the hover car's engine turn on and they chuckled sheepishly.  
  
Trunks rubbed his palms together and grinned mischievously, "Bura, the plot thickens." Bura laughed and flailed her arms around happily. And in doing so, her hand hit Trunks in the crotch----hard. 


	2. Vegeta and His Big Bum

Bura and Trunks put on the masks quickly. Bura giggled quietly and the two tiptoed behind the couch where their father was sitting. They could hear the clicks from the remote control that he was pushing and the rustling of his bottom everytime he shifted a position.  
  
Trunks poised, ready to attack. Bura, seeing her older brother, did the same. "1.2." He whispered under his breath, "3!"  
  
The two children, with their colorfully decorated masks jumped out, waved their little arms in front of Vegeta's face and shouted incoherent ramblings. He shrieked and screamed in a very high pitched soprano voice, he threw off the cushion that was on his lap, ran out of the house and slammed the door.  
  
Bura and Trunks collapsed, laughing. Trunks clutched his gut that was hurting from the laughter, "oh, Bura! Did you see dad's face? He was so freaked out!" Bura laughed and threw back her head, "daddy's so silly!" The two siblings fell on top of each other, laughing gleefully.  
  
Vegeta ran out of the house and panted. He stopped at the driveway and felt the sweat from his forehead. He suddenly wanted his mommy. But similarity of the little arms flailing in his face and the voices hit him.  
  
"Trunks.Bura!" He growled as he turned and marched back to the door. The flushed look on his face had disappeared and now was replaced with an angry red shade on his cheeks. He slammed open the door and stomped towards the laughing children.  
  
"Uh, oh." Trunks said as the grin faded from his lips and Bura stopped to see what her brother was doing. She followed his gaze, smiled happily and clapped her hands as her eyes met Vegeta's angry ones.  
  
"Oh daddy! You looked sooo funny wunny! You big big big bum!" She shrieked, laughing. Vegeta cocked an eyebrow and the ice in his eyes melted a bit. He turned from his daughter and faced Trunks.  
  
"TRUNKS!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed. Trunks put his head down and tried to keep himself from chuckling.  
  
  
  
Vegeta grabbed the collar of Trunks' shirt and glared into his eyes.  
  
"Son, what do have to say about the humiliation you have caused for me?!"  
  
"Uh." Trunks replied slowly. Vegeta tilted his head to one side and examined his son.  
  
"Shut up and go to your room."  
  
Vegeta faced the giggling Bura and picked her up carelessly. Bura, not knowing that our receding hairline protagonist was only extremely pissed off and ready to commit bloody murder, continued to giggle as he carried her up to her room. When Trunks was alone in their living room, he rubbed his nose gently and flexed his mildly sore neck. He sighed and dragged himself up the stairs slowly.  
  
  
  
Trunks lay on his bed, thinking. He was levitating slightly when Vegeta knocked on his door, nearly breaking it from its hinges. Trunks fell from his levitation and sat up, stunned.  
  
"Trunks," Vegeta said coldly as he entered his room. "I am a Prince. And I've never been afraid of anything or anyone." He paused as he watched Trunks tense up. "So this is.well, embarrassing." Vegeta closed his eyes and continued with more demand in his voice, "so please don't tell your mom about this, okey dokey?" Trunks blinked dully. His dad, the spandex obsessed man was begging him.  
  
"Uh.okay." Trunks responded flatly. Vegeta stood up and patted his son on the shoulder. He turned and knocked over a floor lamp. As he bent down to get it, a loud rip alerted both of them.  
  
Vegeta's bright blue tighties had spilt in half. Right down the middle of his buttocks.  
  
  
  
Bulma struggled with the groceries in her cramped arms as she stumbled her way to the door. She fumbled with the knob and finally opened it. She laid the groceries on the linoleum floor and wiped her sweaty forehead with one hand. The house was unusually quiet.  
  
"Vegeta-chan?" Bulma called, "Bura? Trunks?"  
  
"Hi mommy! What yummy things have you bwought for me?" Bura cried joyously as she ran down the stairs, embracing Bulma.  
  
"Bought," Bulma corrected her. "Honey, where is your daddy and Trunks?"  
  
"Ummmmm.." Bura replied while looking through the plastic bags full of food. "Well, daddy is in his room taining or something." "You mean 'training' right?" Bulma inquired gently as she lifted Bura into the air and away from the bags.  
  
"Yup." Bura responded eagerly, reaching for the bags.  
  
Bulma sighed and put her down. She picked up the bags and organized them into the fridge and the kitchen shelves. Bura went up back to her room to play. Bulma made her way up to their master bedroom.  
  
  
  
"Vegeta?" Bulma asked as she opened the oak door.  
  
Vegeta, fumbling frantically through the drawers that contained his various colored spandex pants, was obviously not training.  
  
Bulma cleared her throat loudly. Vegeta stopped and turned to her. He dropped the articles of clothing in his hands and stood up. He regained his dignified stature, trying not to let Bulma see the gigantic rip down the back of his pants.  
  
"Woman! Never mind what I'm doing, get the supper ready!" Vegeta barked nervously. Bulma chuckled, closed the door and went in front of Trunks' room.  
  
She couldn't help laughing. She saw a piece of blue cloth hanging down behind Vegeta. She knocked on Trunks' door and stifled her laughter as a solemn Trunks opened it and faced her.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Hey, mom." He said tiredly. He leaned against the threshold and looked up to the smiling Bulma.  
  
  
  
  
  
"Son, would you like to tell me why your father's favorite spandex pants are.ahem. ripped at the back? And not to mention the place it is ripped at?" Bulma asked, trying to choke on her laughter.  
  
  
  
Trunks grinned back and invited her into the room.  
  
"Well, mom. It started when you took Bura and me to the toy shop."  
  
  
  
During the supper, everyone except for Vegeta shared the usual chuckle about the prank the kids pulled off that evening. Prince Spandex, being his usual cocky self, denied the incident completely.  
  
And kept his denial even to the point when Bura and Trunks were both in either high school or college age. This family secret still lingered on, a side laugh on a boring day. Vegeta continued to avoid clowns until one fatal day at MacDonold.  
  
Bulma stepped out of the car and was soon followed by a young and beautiful Bura coming daintily out of her side of the car. Trunks got out quickly and everyone waited for Vegeta to drag himself out and go to the family outing at the fast food restaurant. Bura flipped her blue hair and pulled Vegeta's arm, "oh, daddy! Come on!" Vegeta groaned and let her take her out of the car. The day was very warm and they had decided to go out and eat at one of those cheesy 'family grub spots'.  
  
They walked in and found a spot near the window. "I can't wait to get out of here", Vegeta growled as he watched a handsome Trunks stick a fork into his napkin and then twirl it around in the air. "COMPOSE YOURSELF, BOY!" Vegeta screamed as Trunks had began to whistle and fiddle with the abused napkin childishly. Trunks raised an eyebrow and was hardly even stunned. But fairly heavy packed restaurant was suddenly silent and all heads turned to stare at the ugly hair-lined man and a purpled hair Greek god. Trunks hid his face with his hands embarrassingly and groaned. Bulma and Bura didn't see, they were too busy ordering food from a depressed looking college student trying to afford his tuition fees.  
  
Bura and Bulma brought the 4 trays of hamburgers and drinks over to the table and sat down. Trunks gladly took a huge bite out of his burger and continued eating like a cow. Vegeta picked up his grudgingly, and before eating, returned an icy glare to the remaining staring eyes. They of course, were too intimidated by Prince Spandex's hairline to even look back.  
  
The restaurant was packed with children running around, plastic indoor playgrounds and.a plastic clown. It was one of those stupid, scary clowns that would sit on one side of a bench and when you had to sit on that bench, you were forced to either sit on the other side, or on the clown's widespread lap (which doesn't seem right.). Vegeta was not afraid of that thing, but he and the other Briefs did not know that Ronald MacDonold, the restaurant's mascot, was visiting that particular restaurant on that particular day at that particular time. 


	3. Molestation: By a BigNosedWobblingFreak

Vegeta chewed on his burger lazily, savoring its greasy delightfulness. Bura and Bulma chatted away happily while taking time to sip from their drinks and nibble some of their burgers. Trunks was still moping about the fact that the staff of MacDonolds had refused him a second napkin.  
  
"Damn it!" The 7 foot 40 year-old man grumbled as he dressed himself into the clown costume that they paid him to wear and frighten/excite the little customers. He had zipped up his pants, but in doing so, accidentally caught his 'happy meal toy'. He sighed, readjusted his red wig, put on his abnormally sized shoes and added the red nose as a finishing touch.  
  
Vegeta suddenly tensed up as he saw a hint of a ball of red hair on a stupidly dressed man entering the restaurant.  
  
The other adults saw Ronald MacDonold enter; but paid no attention to the wobbling freakazoid. But the children under 4 feet began running towards him and grabbing his pants like he was the god of hamburgers.  
  
"Heh, heh, heh! Well! Hello you brats-----er, children!" Exclaimed Ronald as he tried shaking them off of his pants (that had begun to fall down).  
  
Vegeta began to cower deeper into his chair. Trunks turned his head and saw the clown and winked to Bura. Bura stopped chewing and giggled as she watched her father's vein in his temple pop out and his eyes dart around nervously. Ronald scouted out for a ledge of a window to lean on so he could retie his shoes. And he happened to stop at the Briefs table and ended up behind Vegeta as he bent down to tie his red shoe.  
  
Vegeta began whimpering and closed his eyes. Bulma sighed and shook her head sadly. Vegeta's shoulders bunched up and he began shaking as he began imagining all the bizarre things this clown was now going to do him, from the BEHIND.  
  
"Whooops!" Ronald said as he accidentally went off balance and pushed Vegeta slightly on the shoulder.  
  
  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! MOMMY MOMMY MOMMY! AHHHHH WAHHHH!" Vegeta screamed frantically as he ducked under the table and grabbed onto Bulma's leg.  
  
"SAVE ME, BULMA!!! HE'S OUT TO MOLEST ME!!! WAHHH!" He continued yelling as tears streamed down his receding hairlined face.  
  
All heads turned and glared at all the noise this full adult midget was making. Bura and Trunks quickly stood up, making way for their father to get out.  
  
"Hey, mister! I'm sorry! Man, here, let me help", offered the clown as he reached to hold Vegeta's hand. Vegeta screamed bloody murder and ran out from under the table, knocking Trunks off balance. Ronald MacDonold knew the policy that when he frightens someone, he would have to help out the best he can or else he would lose his job. So doing what Vegeta tried avoiding the most, began chasing him shouting, "hey! I'm sorry! Come back!"  
  
  
  
The two ended up running around in little circles outside on the parking lot. The other customers, extremely amused continued to watch from the windows.  
  
Vegeta looked like a chicken due to the fact that he hand both hands covering his butt and his bent arms were flapping wildly as he ran for his life. While the alarmed poser of Ronald MacDonold chased him and reached his arms out to hold and comfort the crying dwarf-man.  
  
Bura sighed as she and Trunks stood outside of the restaurant and watched their father humiliate himself.  
  
"He's still not over it, is he?" She observed thoughtfully, tilting her head to one side and watched Vegeta block on going traffic in the parking lot and screaming his butt off.  
  
Trunks furrowed his brow, grinned and continued amusing himself by watching his dignified father, Prince Spandex Lover being chased frantically by a wobbling clown.  
  
"Nope."  
  
AUTHOR'S NOTE: Yo yo yo! Yay! I know it's a crappy ending, but that DOES explain Vegeta's annoyance towards Mr.Popo. And people, don't sue me for the similarity in the restaurant name or the mascot of the restaurant 


End file.
